First Date Mistakes to AvoidArticle Source: Dating Books For Men. Copyright 2008
Author: Michael Pilinski
S P O T L I G H T
is the author of Without Embarrassment
To learn more about how this book compares with others in its genre:
First dates will always be nerve-wracking for most men I suppose, but they need not become a growing collection of hurt feelings and misused opportunities if you simply avoid the first-date landmines outlined below. Also, my own personal big rule for dating is No ROMANTIC First Dates!
I arrived at this conclusion by way of costly personal trial and error I have determined that it is time to toss the classic "Lance Romance"-style first date once and for all. You know the kind - where you spring for the best candlelight dinner at some upscale bistro with an expensive menu and wine list? These kinds of dates turned out to be like exploding cigars for me, for a variety of reasons, and I've got scorch marks all over my bank account because of it!
A man's ability to impress women with this old fashioned dating-by-the-numbers routine has steadily been losing it's power over the decades as women become more and more sophisticated. They now expect more CREATIVITY from men, and the ones who CAN deliver the psychological goods have a definite edge in the dating and mating game.
So my suggestion is that you avoid these dangers AND stick to high action first dates
. I am talking about activities like skiing, dancing, and even (oh yes) bowling! Seriously, you will have a better chance of connecting with her on a bowling date than if you sit across from her in a dimly-lit restaurant, slowly getting drunk and spilling your sad and lonely life to her. Guys sabotague themselves when they reveal way too much about their personal lives (and weaknesses) during the early stages of the seduction. That kind of behavior also serves to blow all their mystery.
On the other hand, action-oriented dates generally forestall opportunities for those long involved discussions which are ripe with such dangers. Instead, the talk will tend to focus on the activity itself. Save those deep-feeling exchanges for the NEXT date, once you have had some real fun together. Provided you keep the flirting up throughout the date, your playful teasing will establish your romantic interest in her regardless of the activity you're engaged in. This builds you a connection with her and will keep the pot boiling long enough to get you successfully to that next date.
Remember, ACTION = PASSION
because physical activity gets both her adrenaline and her emotions pumping in a way similar to sexual arousal - and on some level, her consciousness may become confused to YOUR advantage.
Romantic dates that come too soon also carry with them the possibility of turning into some angry contest of will over some irrelevant issue that should never have come up in the first place. Remember, at the very early stages she might be looking for that big red flag to justify pulling the ripcord on you - so don't give her that opportunity. I have done it, and I have received gobs of e-mail from many guys out there who have likewise sabotaged the event the same way.
So, if you do
find that you have somehow walked yourself a tricky gab-fest on that first date, here are some important landmines to avoid stepping on:
1) Referring to her in the Third Person.
Instead of asking her, "What do you think of the shrimp scampi, Marsha?" you make the mistake of re-phrasing it this way: "So, does Marsha like the shrimp scampi"? Ouch! This is how adults talks to children to maintain an impression of superiority over then, and it is extremely condescending
This kind of remark will drop an instant verbal wall between you and your date by suggesting that the two of you are not equals, and that you view her as inferior. Only a woman with very low self-esteem would let something like this slide by without becoming upset, and you don't want to be messing around with a woman like that anyway. A similar deadly sin presents itself when a significant age gap exists between yourself and the girl, and you refer to her as "young lady". You want her to picture you as her daddy or something? I thought the idea was to become her Man? That won't be happening any time soon if you stink up the air with these sort of verbal clunkers.
2) Getting into a conversation where you begin to GRADE her looks or character.
For example, don't wonder out loud what her "upside" or "downside" might turn out to be in the imaginary relationship that you are already anticipating: "I can see you are a little stubborn, which is a downside to being with you... but you DO have a great smile too, and that's a plus!"
Again, this pure concentrated condescension
will not work to your advantage. Imagine if some guy you hardly knew did this to you after knowing your for only a few minutes. You'd want to knock his block off. Your date may not punch you in your face, but she will likely go cold
on you for the remainder of the evening.
Modern women generally will not submit to men like simpletons the way they did in the old days. So please try to keep on a psychologically equal level
with her at all times and avoid acting like an over-controlling "judge".
3) Telling a girl something along the lines of... "I've got PLANS for you, baby!"
Speaking of being an uber-nerd and a hopeless over-controller, never tell a girl that you have just begun dating how she is going to fit into your future "plans". This is utterly egocentric and makes it appear as if you already view her as your personal possession.
This kind of big-time smother signals that you are a needy, desperate, and possessive sort of Cretan who just cannot wait to plug her into some pre-conceived romantic dream-vision that you have been cooking up for who-knows how long. How would you like to be told that you are going to be a pawn in someone else's "plan"? Trust me, she won't.
If you take the time early on to create emotionally connective feelings with a woman by using the power of action before self-revelation
, all your future conversations can become delightful instead of deadly because you will be speaking to each other as two people who have bonded, rather than as a pair of scorpions that find themselves trapped in a bottle. My techniques are always intended to try and make this stuff as fun and as interesting as possible, so as to keep you motivated and participating in the social process with her.
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B Y T H E S A M E A U T H O R . . .
is the author of
Michael Pilinski, the author discussed in my Without Embarrassment review, is a deep-thinking battle-scarred woman's man, who has figured out how to ascend the Male Dominance Scale by which women grade men as a potential mate. Care to improve your score?
To learn more about how this book compares with others in its genre, or read and in-depth review: