How Nice Guys Can Still Meet WomenArticle Source: Dating Books For Men. Copyright 2008
Author: Michael Pilinski
S P O T L I G H T
is the author of Without Embarrassment
To learn more about how this book compares with others in its genre:
No doubt you are familiar with the infuriating mantra about nice guys heard repeated time and again from all sorts of women on those stupid afternoon gab shows: "...But Opal (name of god-like TV talk show host changed to protect my innocent bank account), there is just no one out there for me to date. All the guys are such jerks and losers. I just want to meet a, a... nice guy." Waahhh!
As I am sure all you nice guys
know, this is a load of BS. These women may claim to be searching for the nice guy, but it's simply not the case, is it? So why do women propagate all this nonsensical nice guy stuff?
As usual, they are of course speaking in their own little code, which women are famous for doing - so as to keep men thoroughly confused, I guess.
The trouble with being overtly nice, or lap-doggishly friendly and accommodating around women, is that it communicates the worse kind of subliminal message to them about your male status - namely, that it's way down on the totem pole. The reason is that nice guy behavior is NOT something that women believe men suddenly "switch on" in their presence, in some kind of well-meaning but misguided attempt to impress them. No. Instead, they "understand" that all this sweet behavior of yours is something you have been trained
to exhibit by the other, vastly more powerful men in your world. In other words, the 'nice guy' role is the one that subservient men have learned to adopt in the presence of more powerful men as as to protect themselves. ("I am no threat to your status as the more dominant male... please do not hurt me... let me be your harmless, lovable side-kick..." etc.).
To females, this over-the-top niceness is nothing more than the red flashing signal of the Low Status Male, and is therefore a huge TURN-OFF to them!
It is extremely difficult for most women to develop any sort of sexual attraction for a squishy nice guy. Nature has hardwired the female brain to target the most powerful male she can find in order to produce the strongest offspring with the best chance for survival. It is for the very same reason that men have been programmed to look for women who display physical signs of youthfulness, which indicates reproductive vitality. And while male and female behavior may be different, their GOALS are the same - strong healthy babies to propagate the species. "Maleness" and "femaleness" can actually be thought of as two opposite but complementary strategies for reproduction.
Men and women are thus compelled by their basic biology to behave in different manners so that they may visit these dissimilar strategies upon one another to successfully propagate their line. The dance of mating and seduction in all creatures is linked to this irrefutable biological imperative. Go against it and you are challenging millions of years of evolution... or perhaps design, who knows? Learn to play by the rules, however, and you will get your slice of the mating action!
So to assist you with this very subtle part of the game, here is my Number One "Nice Guy Rule"
Though you never want to BEHAVE like a fawning nice guy in the presence of women, you always want to somehow SEEM like one. It just absolutely kills your chances to come across as too enthusiastic a nice guy. Insread, you only need to drop some hints here and there through your behavior and attitude to siggest that you MIGHT be one, without making too big a fuss about it.
See, when women IMAGINE nice guys, I think what they are really fantasizing about is a man who will make them feel SAFE - but in a special way that preserves his sexual attractiveness to them. Actually, this is not such a mystery when you think about it from the woman's perspective. To a woman, being a safe guy means only that you are (likely) physically harmless to her. That's not to say you won't cause her real emotional drama in the long run, since this blend of hot n' cold, exciting n' boring, safe n' dangerous is something most women covet from their relationships with men - at least initially.
So when you first meet a woman you are attracted to, you need to establish a few non-verbal lines of communication with her so as to provoke these initial instinctual connecting-mating thoughts in her subconscious mind. To most women, this potential conflict - this suggestion of forthcoming sexual tension - is the very definition of "chemistry"!
Not sure how to go about that?
It's actually not so terribly hard to communicate ideas non-verbally. Two ways in which you can safely put forth your possible desire use extended eye contact - and with the use of brief, non-offensive physical touching strategically placed here and there. Both are casual when done correctly, but unmistakable in their pre-romantic interpretation to her!
This is how you present the "class of a nice guy" without bearing the stain of the low status male that usually goes with it. You can further elevate your classy nice guy status by: 1) slipping in suggestions that you have strong family/friend relationships - which is a sign to women that you are "connected and normal", and 2) suggesting that you have EXCITING things going on in your life. This makes you seem adventuresome, involved, and connected. On other words, you will seem like a really "nice" catch!
Be sure to add some of that deep eye contact which silently communicates your more-than-just-friendly interest in her, and soon you will have created enough of an edge to get her heart racing! At the very least, actions of the type I have listed will keep you out of the deadly "friends zone" by showing that you have the courage to make your desire apparent to her in a way that cannot be confused with the lot of the desperate loser.
As a real-life example, I used to work for a photography company. Maybe half a dozen times or more a year, I got to fly around in light planes over the Western New York area shooting aerial pictures. Now sometimes when I am chatting up a woman, I will work into the conversation a quick anecdote drawn from one of my old flying jobs - like how the snowpack collecting on Lake Erie in the height of mid-winter forms beautiful colored cracks in the greenish ice sheets, or something semi-poetic like that. But then I abandon the topic. Nor do I fully explain how I came to be in the position of flying around and making such observations in the first place. What might I be involved in that would give me the opportunity to view this sort of natural wonder? I don't say.
I use these little anecdotes about myself to act as a "tease of character" for as long as I can, without getting stupid about it. It sounds silly, I know, but this kind of deliberate manipulation of how you present yourself to her can instill just a tiny bit of mystery. It's all for the good! Remember, your flirt is always a gift to her - and most women will be fascinated by a man who pulls off an interesting approach.
Curiosity can be used to capture a woman's attention long enough for you to make a positive first impression on her. In a similar way, you can drop hints regarding your educational status, finances, artistic talent or whatever it is you want to put over about yourself without bragging about it like a total goofball.
Instead, you will have presented yourself as that rare character in a universe of men that usually breaks down into sexless, boring nice guys or ultimately worthless (but maybe exciting) jerks. No matter what flaws you might perceive yourself to suffer from, you can be provocative to her in a way that she won't be able to categorize as being "wimpy nice".
And as added frosting on the cake, when you come across as an edgy sort of nice guy it will open up a vast new playing field of opportunities for you. Because suddenly you've become attractive to a smarter, more self-respecting class of women who will not settle for jerks - but who are also simply turned off by the squishy-boring variety of nice guy.
In short, you can begin to operate with the certain, sexy confidence of the High Status Male!
~ // ~
B Y T H E S A M E A U T H O R . . .
is the author of
Michael Pilinski, the author discussed in my Without Embarrassment review, is a deep-thinking battle-scarred woman's man, who has figured out how to ascend the Male Dominance Scale by which women grade men as a potential mate. Care to improve your score?
To learn more about how this book compares with others in its genre, or read and in-depth review: