7 Essential Dating Tips For MenArticle Source: Dating Books For Men. Copyright 2008
Author: Michael Pilinski
S P O T L I G H T
is the author of Without Embarrassment
To learn more about how this book compares with others in its genre:
Are you a single guy who is still searching for your dream POA (piece of a**)?
If so, by now you have surely absorbed a ton of advice on how best to meet and date women. Most of it is "common sensical" as you would expect. So, assuming that you know enough not to show up on first dates looking like something the dog dragged in, or wearing cowboy boots and shorts, it's just possible that a few of the following ideas might give you enough of an edge to secure a second date with that exciting little fox.
1) Try NOT to Act like a Fake on a First Date
Women tend to make a far more profound emotional investment into their relationships than do men. So for her, trust
is natually an immensely important issue. Dating for her is not merely a convenient way to get her rocks off - it's a case study in the male psyche. For instance, she will be wondering whether she can trust you to ever be a good father to her children. Seriously - unless she's encountered middle-age and is well beyond the kids and husband phase of her life, this "mating calculus" will ALWAYS be running somewhere in the back her mind.
When you acting like a phony with a clearly faked 'come-on' personality, it only demonstrates to her how easily you are willing to embrace deception
to get something you want. For all but the 10 percent or so of the female population that have their own serious problems attracting men, you are TOTAL POISON - a potential cheater and heartbreaker on the prowl for his next victim. Maybe she will dump you right away, OR if she harbors a genuine bitterness towards men, she keeps you around to engage in a little recreational tease and torturing because she has a vendetta to settle with a guy like you. Beware!
2) Create New Memories Instead of Swapping Them
The very best dating advice I can give anyone is this: to ensure a memorable and fun date, spend 90 percent of your activities in the present moment
It is easy to wind up in the deadly "talking trap" when on a date. This is where the two of you sit around and get lost in deep conversation. These 'chatting dates' can easily slip from your control and become subtle passion-killers. Before you know it, you have spilled your guts about the abuse you experienced at the hands of Father Bernard from your altar boy days, or you wax poetic about your itching hemorrhoids and how they tend to swell up in the springtime. Yeesh!
For the process of seduction to go off perfectly, you must reveal yourself gradually - little-by-little - as you slowly get to know her. Think of dating as a kind of emotional veil dance, a striptease - the point of which is to have her eagerly anticipating when the next Veil of Male Mystery
will slip off. This is the kind of experience she has been dreaming about all her life. Why? Because it makes everything she expects to follow (including the sex) all the more delicious for her!
So always place ACTION
ahead of endless chit-chat whenever possible, especially at the early stages. Remain active on your dates (even if that just means doing something like visiting a flea market) so that you are constantly BUILDING a memory for her instead of SHARING one. Focus on creating experiences for her that the two of you can reminisce about in the future. This is far better than spending your time together in a lot of drawn-out amateur psychotherapy sessions at a bar. Conversation is extremely important in any new relationship, and provides the pathway to her eventual sexual surrender, but you must give her a reason
for wanting to know so much about you before you open up your soul to her. Never forget the importance of your veil dance.
3) Don't be a Bore
A boring person is anti-charismatic
. This is to say that, rather than making people feel good about themselves by showing interest in them, the boring person makes us want to bolt, rather than have to listen to another second of their self-absorbed droning!
Early conversations you have with a woman should focus on drawing out her
interests, rather than to dwell upon your own stuff (but don't come across like an interrogator either). Share a little, but keep YOUR interests pushed to the background. Her responses to your few casual queries about her life or current dreams hold clues to your LifeLine (which I discuss in Without Embarrassment). Submerge your own ego for the first few dates - until you finally hook her and she begins questioning YOU intently (maybe TOO intently!).
4) Forget about Trying to Act "Like Yourself"
The often-dished-out dating advice that you should "be yourself" and "acting like yourself" (whatever the heck that means) is quite frankly a load of BS. You have to strike a balance between coming on like a phony-baloney and seeming too safe and friendly. Seduction is like a delicate bubble that can be burst with less and less effort as it ripens.
A first date is NOT the place to maintain your everyday joe schmo personality. That spells B-O-R-I-N-G. Your job is to provide a spark
to ignite the fires of desire in the old primal portion of her brain!
This means you must seem excited
to be out with her! This should not be difficult anyway. Ordinary life sucks, and romance is a fantasy voyage - an escape from the 9 to 5 drudgery of work and all the other daily aggravations that torture us. So treat this rare event for what it is, something unique and potentially unforgettable. Even if she seems too cool to care, trust me, her hopeful romance motor is humming along in high gear regardless!
5) Five Minutes of Nerves is Normal, then Calm Down
After the initial awkwardness of the first minutes of your first date, calm down so that you can hit your stride. If nerves are a problem for you, try some deep breathing before you first approach her. This may give you the edge in self-control you need. This in turn will project through in your attitude as a cool confidence that is the unmistakable sign of a High Status Male!
Learn to always keep your movements graceful and deliberate around the women you're trying to seduce. Modulate your voice in a throaty style (lowered volume) and keep your words a little "conspiratorial" in tone (without going overboard and making a fool of yourself). A squeaky voice spells fear and sounds adolescent, so try to keep it in check. *Be self-aware.*
6) Obsession is the Hallmark of the Weak Male
Dominant males always show interest in any attractive woman they come across because they are highly sexually driven. But because they have so many options with other females open to them, they do NOT act obsessively about any particular woman. So don't become obsessed with her, just act interested. Proclaiming ridiculously inappropriate nonsense on a first or second date like "I love you" or "You're the girl I've been searching for my whole life" is the frightening talk of the potential stalker. You will become RADIOACTIVE to women once word of this kind of bizarre behavior spreads!
And it will spread, since women gossip like demons!
So chill the subservient groveling and act like you have been down the dating and mating road a few times already.
7) No Matter What Happens, Assume that she likes You - and Believe it
I'm not joking. This is an essential Jedi mind trick that you MUST learn to play on yourself. Simply assume that any woman you are working on will like you - and do whatever it takes to sell this idea to your unconscious mind!
Women can become mesmerized by men who appear to be captivated by them, but this kind of vibe can only shine through your body language if it's also GENUINE - and for this to happen, you must believe that she will respond favorably to you, no matter what.
Remember, ATTITUDE + UNCONSCIOUS BELIEFS = THE SUBJECTIVE TRUTH
. Your attitude is just a naked expression of your unconscious beliefs about yourself. Therefore, it is interpreted by
others as revealing the inner truth about you, whether you like that or not. So learn to control the image that you project to the rest of the world. Let go of the crappy beliefs you have about yourself, and replace them with empowering ones. Strive to manipulate this critical part of your consciousness, and watch your world change before your eyes like magic!
Do these things, and before long you will have your pick of the best looking women in your world!
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B Y T H E S A M E A U T H O R . . .
is the author of
Michael Pilinski, the author discussed in my Without Embarrassment review, is a deep-thinking battle-scarred woman's man, who has figured out how to ascend the Male Dominance Scale by which women grade men as a potential mate. Care to improve your score?
To learn more about how this book compares with others in its genre, or read and in-depth review: