How To Meet More WomenArticle Source: Dating Books For Men. Copyright 2008
Author: Joseph Matthews
S P O T L I G H T
is the author of The Art Of Approaching
To learn more about how this book compares with others in its genre:
Has the following scenario ever happened to you?
You go out for a night on the town with some buddies, hoping maybe to meet a girl who you can have some fun with. You find your way to a bar, grab a booth, and order some drinks.
The place is thumping, and you and your friends are enjoying looking at all the pretty girls. The problem is, none of you are interacting with them. Sure, you would like to talk to them, but it's just a lot easier to sit around with your buddies talking it up about how you would like to go home with that girl on the other side of the room. But of course, you all end up leaving the bar the way you came into it - by yourselves.
This is an extremely common occurrence among the ranks of the lovelorn bachelor. It is a symptom of something I call the "comfort zone."
Generally speaking, we all have a comfort zone. This is a state of mind in which people surround themselves with what is FAMILIAR to them. The problem with this, is that familiarity tends to breed complacency, which can stop you from taking the necessary steps to achieve your goals. This is because any action that introduces uncertainty into your life is something your comfort zone likes to keep at bay.
So, for you to have any chance of meeting a woman, you need to know how to break yourself out of this comfort zone.
But how can you do this?
The answer is fairly obvious: You need to learn to meet women BY YOURSELF!
Your friends can be a real asset, but for the most part, going out with them will actually HINDER your ability to meet new women. This is not just because of that comfort zone factor. What also happens is that other guys who don't know what they are doing with women will actually ruin your own interactions with them - sometimes intentionally simply because of jealousy, and sometime through sheer ineptitude. So the most efficient way to solve this problem is just to LEAVE YOUR FRIENDS BEHIND.
Of course, the idea of going out by yourself can pretty terrifying. For one thing, doesn't going out by yourself suggest to those around you that you are a loser, with no friends of your own? Doesn't the act of going solo make you look creepy?
It's true that going out by yourself can shake your comfort zone, since your friends usually anchor you to your comfort zone and you have left them behind. But they also keep you from meeting women. So when you strike out on your own you won't have to worry about the prospect of failing with women and then being judged by your friends as being inept.
More importantly, when you go out by yourself you will be able to focus on what you are doing. You'll have no distractions, so you will be able to examine your interactions more easily and identify the source of any problems you are having. That way you can correct them.
Going out by yourself also allows you the flexibility of being able to choose where you are going and who you will talk to. If you decide you don't like the joint you have walked into, you can turn around and head out the door to find another one. If you decide you'd like to talk to a girl who you know your friends would disapprove of, you'll have the freedom to do just that. Another benefit to striking out on your own is that if you mess up the interactions you have it is no big deal. None of your friends will be able to remind you about it the next day, because they weren't there. You can simply wipe the slate clean.
Of course, knowing what to say to a woman that you have never set eyes on before will go a long way to helping you initiate an approach. To help with this, you will find many examples of Openers in my book "The Art of Approaching". As an example, it helps to be prepared when a women asks that inevitable question: "Where are your friends?"
My response to this question is usually to say "Oh, they're around here somewhere." This simple, but dismissive statement not only answers their question, but as far as she knows, it's the truth.
But to take this a step further, you could try the following approach as an Opener that I have used myself when out by myself. I call this the "My Friends Ditched Me" Opener. Here's how it works. You walk up to your target, or a group, and say:
"Hey guys, you won't believe this. All week, my friends and I have been looking forward to going out and having a good time, because we've been busy and we wanted to blow off some steam. So we made our plans to go out tonight, right? Well, one by one they each phone me and tell me stuff like "I'm too tired," or "My girlfriend wants to watch a movie..." Some friends huh? They're a bunch of lame-o's. But what I'm thinking is there might be something more to this, because the other week two of my friends had a knock-down drag out fight over some girl they both like, so the situation is all weird. Do you guys have any friends who got split up by someone they both liked?"
When you use an Opener like this, you are letting it be known that the reason you are out by yourself is because, well, unlike your friends, YOU'RE not lame! Not only that, but you have thrown in a nice Drama Opener to engage the group.
Now, if you think you are still too shy to go out by yourself, try this little trick:
The next time you go out with your friends -- DITCH THEM. Seriously. Go off on your own and leave them behind for a while. Then meet up with them later on. That way you can fly solo in steps, and before you know it you'll be able to meet any woman, any time, anywhere you may be -- whether you're alone or not!
~ // ~
B Y T H E S A M E A U T H O R . . .
is the author of
The Art Of Approaching
Joseph Matthews, the author discussed in my The Art Of Approaching review, believes 10 percent of males enjoy 90 percent of the success when it comes to dating women. His aim is to put YOU into that 10 percent using 350+ pages of solid dating advice.
To learn more about how this book compares with others in its genre, or read and in-depth review: